I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
