You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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