I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
