There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
