apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
