You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
