some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
