Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
