My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
