Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
