K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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