Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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