blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
