1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
