I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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