Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
