I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
