My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
