remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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