you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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