Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
