There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
