My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
