How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
