My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
