Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
