I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
