To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bring money and cleavage
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
