like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
