ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And then he peed in my hair
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