so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it glows. i had to have it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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