So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
