Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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