so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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