Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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