How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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