evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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