a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
