I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
