Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
