i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
