i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
