I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
