oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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