oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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