I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
