she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
