So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
