what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
