you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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