i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
