I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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