It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
