I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
