this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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