You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
