i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
