obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
